I put one of these up here a while ago and it gave a few people a laugh. So here's another one.
Recipe #14 brekky
All right, breakfast. Two meals a day means there's dinner and brekky and the buggers can forage for themselves in between. In fact, brekky isn't that bad, ‘coz a couple of the lads at least will be watch below and won't be up to yaff, so you're looking at doing brekky for four, five, tops, including yourself. It's landing days and workups, when everyone's up and about that you'll have to do grub for the whole bunch.
That's when it needs to be done properly, which means enough grub. Quantity is the important thing. Quality comes second, but you still don't want to give the fuckers too much to whinge about.
On this ship we fry our brekky. Grilling is too slow and it's for girls. You'll want all three pans, one on each hob. It's easier as well when it's landing day, ‘coz we're in and the boat's not bouncing about. Anyway, put the oven on to start with ‘coz you'll need to keep stuff hot. Then slop some oil in each pan, hot it up and away you go. Where was I? Bacon? Leave it to last.
Start with your fried bread and the bangers, as they take longest. Thick bread is best, a couple of slices in each pan, and don't cook it too fast. Nice and slow, let it soak up the oil ‘til they're all nice and crispy. S'the same with the bangers, cook ‘em slow. Prick ‘em if you like, but it's up to you. I don't bother.
When you've done enough bangers and bread, hoof it into an oven tray to keep warm. Get a few beans going nice and slow on a low heat at the back somewhere, reckon on five tins for eight blokes. I like a dash of tabasco in my beans, but it's not for everyone.
Bacon next, that's your vital ingredient. Don't drop it in the pan until the oil's smoking hot, that's the secret of it, and don't leave it in too long. It's not supposed to be crispy, and it shouldn't be soggy either. It's got to be just right. Remember what I told you about bacon sarnies, ‘coz that applies to brekky as well.
Right. You've got your bangers and bread in the oven, bacon sizzling in one pan, then you start cracking eggs into the other one. Let ‘em fry a bit and them you flip your oil over the tops. We don't do sunny side down on this boat. You'll see the tops colour over and you can see easy enough when they're ready. Don't overdo ‘em, same as the bacon, and now you can start bunging it all through into the galley, along with the tea and the bread and marge that's already there. Eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, fried bread, tea and a slice. That's all you're going to need and keep it coming until they shout stop. That's the chef's signal to eat everything that's left over.